Good Bye, My Friend

Haven't wrote here for a while now.

Just lost a very close friend. She didn't die just moved on with her life. She has cut every chance to contact her again. I'll miss her deeply.

I first met her in Antilia, when it was MMO and had the test sessions. At the time she was a party animal and a drunk with other terrible mistakes. I helped her get out of that path. Meanwhile I was going through anger issues and she helped me get out of that pitfall as well. We had other arguments at times but reconnected a few days later.

Eventually she started going to college as she dreamed of for years, thanks to her co-workers helping with her tuition. Her grades were, as expected for her, A's. I was happy for her.

Meanwhile she was encouraging me to go out and meet new friends and such. Problem is there's nothing much for me to do out in the world... and that was a struggle for a long time as I've known her. Recently a few months ago I was, persistently, invited for D&D. I decided to join in, get out more, meet (two) new faces. At first she wasn't happy about this change and was expecting me to like go to a bar or something to meet people... I stood my ground and told her this was a start for me, as being deeply introvert, being social is scary for me, especially after numerous bad experiences I had before. I let her calm down for a few days and she realized how uncomfortable I was of making a huge step in life... so she was appreciated, begrudgingly, that I took a step forward into socializing even if small. I was glad, very happy, for her to accept that.

We were very close friends, despite a few differences.... well more than a few; she wasn't into video games, but was still fun to chat with and a go-to for cheering up... and I was a go-to for listening.

Then one day she kept telling me she was getting busy but wouldn't say what... guessing it was homework. Eventually she left...

"Kitty ..I'm sorry." "Be a good kitty, promise?" "Be good, make new friends, make good choices."

And that was it... I have no way to contact her anymore. She unfriended everyone and left the Antilia Steam group and no longer used the Antilia site either.

.....I'll miss her deeply. Few minutes since that last message I pieced it together. This is her saying "Please, move on. You'll find the girl that'll love you more than I could. I know this will hurt you deeply. But please be strong. Good Bye."

Funny though... I haven't cried in a few years. I'm even shaking a little as I write this.

I hope... I want... to one day speak to her again and to know she's doing just fine. I just... hate saying good bye to very close friends and moving on... makes me feel lonely. She will be missed deeply.

One day, one year, I'd like to say how much I missed her since we last spoke... hopefully when we speak again, my life has improved better than it is now. But this time, I would love to meet her in person than through text. That'll be my wish. I pray she doesn't forget me... 'cause I can't forget her, refuse to.

I'll get over this in... a few days. I'm not mad at her nor upset... I understand why she did this and for good intentions.

Didn't get the chance to say Good Bye... want her to know she was a great friend to have, and it's sad to let go. She has a good life in front of her, and it's time I stopped holding her back from it.

Now I just need to find the right path for me... even if it is baby steps for me.