Long-Term Answer Revisited

The answer is bigger than I thought, and more impacting than before, the deeper I dig. Things are becoming clear to me, if only I spotted it sooner I could've adjusted to it easier and be a better person than I am now. Memories are pouring in, memories I locked away, pretending it never happened that way. Guilt and regret, two reasons I locked them away. Guilt for what I purposely did and put others through. Regret for the repercussions it caused on me later down the road, wishing I just stayed true to myself I would have had a better chance of enjoying life to the fullness. Instead, I locked them away, causing a missing link in the timeline.

It's easy to lose one self, when surrounded by people that mostly go on a different path than yours. You don't want to be isolated, walking that path alone. So you change course and follow them, only to end up isolating yourself, walking the path alone and behind the rest. Try to catch up, but to no avail, lengthening the distance. You don't want to go back to your original path, but stay on theirs, all because you don't wish to be alone. Eventually, you gone too far to realize a terrible mistake you made. Going back may be nearly impossible now. So you trail off the path, into the unknown. Hoping to find your original course, only to end up lost in the void, deeper, deeper as you go.

I feel this isn't over just yet... feel there's still more to rediscover. Painful as it is to uncover the truth I kept away for several years... I'm going to keep digging till there's nothing left. If I don't find them all, the haunting will continue, the haunting of my youth. I can't let this chance slip by me, because there will never be another chance after this, and I'll be doomed if I ignore it any longer.

I have discovered two major things so far, why I was Sad and why I was Lonely in my Youth. I tried to be someone I wasn't meant to be, and instead threw away someone I was actually meant to be. How I manged to...

All of the people that had to suffer because of my selfishness to not be alone... I don't know how I can make it up to them after all these years. Show them all their work wasn't entirely wasted. If I can do this... I'm sure the haunting will die, and my crying youth can finally settle and rest. A new path is forming, but not yet set for me... a path of renewal. A path I may either have to walk alone, or with someone by my side. Time will tell.