Mistakes and Failure

There are times in my life I make mistakes without realizing it before it's too late, like right after I make the mistake. I try to fix things, but end up making it worse when I should just stop. There's just something inside of me to keep wanting to fix something I damaged instead of calling quits or ask for help. Like I'm too full of pride to give up or admit defeat.

And then there's times that I just don't know what to do to make it better. I just freeze, questioning every choice there is, especially if there's too many to pick from. Prefer limited choices so I don't get overloaded of possibilities but not too limited to feel trap.

When it comes to people, I don't know how to talk to them. Any topics I think of feel too soon or surreal to bring up; there's a rare chance I have a good topic to talk about. Otherwise I just listen and stay quiet till I have something to add, if it's worth adding. When it comes to friends... usually the same thing, but with a heavy fear of losing them. I know saying nothing or not talking to them doesn't help, but I'm scared stiff to say something off or get carried away and they leave. My top fear is being alone and abandoned, so I choose to hardly say anything. Not healthy, I know...

The fear of failure is another issue I have to accept... and I know everyone learns after failure, but I feel I take the failure different than others; I just give up after "realizing" I can't do it enough to feel accepted or acknowledged and find something else to do.

I'm a very self-conflicting person, can't deny it. Got so much phobia in my life that I need to really constantly battle these away but scared to face them... and I have to face them on my own.

Sad part is I have no real motivation to face them constantly, only in short bursts. Nothing to help me feel determined enough. Mainly because there's hardly anything I can do that is right without being told I'm doing it wrong... and when someone shows me how to do it properly I feel more stupid and worthless, despite they're really just trying to help.

When it comes down to it, I just don't know anything that is good for me or others. I'm stuck in a habit of things that are outdated or bad for me. Guess I have this strong fear of moving on in my life and accept my losses and faults and admit the life I'm in is not working for me nor really helping but down right pathetic and sad.

That first step of moving on is tough and terrifying for me... grown too attached to my comfort zone of living and too scared to expand and go out of it. I always need part of that comfort zone with me... always, otherwise I'm lost and terrified... at least long enough to feel comfortable of leaving the zone frequently to the point I'm fine of leaving it on my own. Probably doesn't help I'm the least sociable person... let alone get more people into my life... scared of being backstabbed or taken advantage of.