We all have dreams in life. What direction we wish to go, what occupations we wish to be. What would make us happy in life. As a child we have dreams of being something, whether realistic--a fireman, president, or follow in your heritage's footsteps like Sly Coooper's, for example--to fantasy or rare opportunity--princess or astronaut. We may even be undecided and that itself is a dream, to figure out what we can do in life and how to apply how we see fit and enjoy it for the rest of our lives, which is me.
While I was pressured in school to choose something to follow, despite I had no clue what I really wanted to do, I just said the first thing that came to my mind to get them, school staff and parents alike, off my back: be a video game designer/programmer or tester. It was more of a mask than a lie; I enjoyed video games and found them as an escape from my harsh reality at those times, and wanted to make some myself or at least be part of a team.
Sadly the school I went to lacked the courses for such a thing and had me more and more trailing away from it, with the main focus of technology in hardware and robotics, which I took a crack at and had trouble understanding it to the point that I lost interest, yet manage to pass with a C...
There was a course in a community college for video games, but after a semester of a required course of a computer class, basically things about computers I already knew that is common knowledge these days, it was gone. Lack of interest, was the reason. Right there in my finger tips and vanish before I even had the chance. That alone was my only lead, and it vanished before I even had the chance to grasp it. After that my interest and motivation in college vanished away, eventually dropped out after a supposedly semester break to get my thoughts together. It's been 3 years since I went to collage.
Since then I given up on that mask dream, and just became a useless person, unsure what I do best in the world and constantly doubt myself when new things arisen. Sure I have two jobs, sound tech for a church and a local carpet cleaning business assistant, but I don't really enjoy doing them, despite I enjoy listening to the music at times in the former. At least I'm able to make money for myself and pay, most, of my own bills.
A friend of mine also had a dream of going to college, but wasn't granted any scholarships despite having high grades in school and didn't have the money to attend college either. She can't afford a loan as well. She's at a dead end job with her dream on hold forever.
Jeff's dream is no different, however with a different outcome. He has been working on Antilia for over 10 years, and despite the obstacles being thrown at him and road blocks when EE came into beta, he still continued on. Even after all that, at a slow pace, even by himself, he continues to push forward with his dream. He refuses to admit defeat despite the controversy "furry stigma" it has thanks to public media's view of it. Even though me and my friend's dreams are, in our own views, dead... Jeff keeps his alive, even with just a little spark of it, it's enough for him to continue on.
Perhaps I'm looking up to Jeff as a role model on this subject, now that I think about it.
I want to be important to people, to feel useful and talented, while also be cheerful, have fun with others and feel more at peace with everyone, even with myself. My friend wishes to attend college and expand her education, for a better paying job and life style. Just wish I could help her out. She wants to go to college more so than I wanted to... no, she wishes to continue with her education while I don't wish to... at least not until I can find confidence in myself and have actual moral support that I can believe it, and not just false hope.
As it turns out, I've been to college myself. A community one. When I first went there I actually had no idea what I was wanting to major in, so I ended up picking something that sounded as close as to what I thought I would like, graphic design. A few years go by and I graduated with a minors in it. Though I did get the degree, it didn't not seem to land me a job in said area. Majority of companies didn't trust fresh new graduates because of the lack of experience. In the end, I ended up with a very generic job around here that I don't really enjoy all that much. Now, even though it seems I'll probably never get into the field I was looking at, I did find use with my knowledge and used it to help others and do things that I enjoyed. So, I guess what I'm trying to get at is, even in my case where my dream was pretty much at it's end, I still tried to find a way to make it happen and in some ways that I look at it, would be better for me in the long run. Maybe you could look at this little bit of my life as something to ponder over.
ReplyDeleteFirst, your story is sad, however at the same time I want to point out everyone has always had the opportunity to go to university regardless of funds or not. Some people refuse to put themselves out and see the choices that always existed out there before.
ReplyDeleteWithout going into detail, I left my Parents at 18 with nothing more than $60 in my pocket. Went into debt heavily by 18 by taking an loan with absurd fixed interest due to no credit history. That only drove me to strive for the almost perfect GPA I had in college. I ended up living out of my car, eating cereal, and using the university gym for showering for 2 1/2 years.
Today, I'm a senior marketing analyst for Caterpillar.
Suffice it to say, reading this is nothing but an excuse. You have always had the opportunity to do something as did your friend. No one takes away your motivation but yourself. A useless person is someone who is to afraid to make changes and risk. Is that you?
This blog is so ridiculous I hope to never cross it again. So much for looking for an upbeat inspirational blog, this killed it.
Hmm...
DeleteI have read this comment. given it some thought, and here's my opinion.
This comment implies the old "If I can do it, so can everyone else" statement. I've always laughed at this, because that's a bold faced lie. the human mind can't be given a single type of potential. Not everyone has the right brain to survive on there own at a young age. not everyone has the right brain to make it as a marketing director. No. this is not something that someone can learn if they put enough time into it. if two people spend just as much time studying the same exact things, and put in just as much effort, one person will still be better.
There's many small, tiny things that happen over the course of a person's life that effects things like that. If you hear a certain song at a young age, it might drastically change your attitude towards certain things later in life. if you get hurt, it might make you biased against certain things. It's chaos theory. A flap of a butterfly's wings can create a tsunami miles away.
Maybe this is all an excuse, but you can't prove that. This person is not you. He's not capable of the same things you are, just as you can't do all the things he can.
I'm glad to hear you overcame adversity, but I'm disgusted by your failing at consideration.